Woke up at 5plus am to do my e lit tutorial. Everything seemed so quiet like I was all alone in this world. Looking out the window, I realised that actually many people are already up and about. From my window, I can see across to about 6 blocks of flats. Some lights in the houses were already lit and dark figures were moving about. Sometimes, I feel really comforted to know that while here I am fretting about tutorials, someone on the other side is also doing the same. Haha:p Then again, I’m still alone because everybody else is minding their own business. The person across the block doesn’t know me (doesn’t even realise I’m scrutinizing their every movement) and I don’t know them too. Nevertheless, I do feel a certain connection with these people. I don’t really know why actually.
Now I see people living in the opposite rushing down the stairs (probably for work). I saw a mother opening the gate – a girl, with all her hair tied up neatly, clad in a neatly ironed uniform, walking out of the house and down the stairs (probably headed to school). They all live on different levels. It is so interesting seeing them walking down the stairs. They probably do not realise that there’s another person walking down the same stairs on a different level above them or below them. Sometimes their speeds are the same; sometimes one is faster than the other so that eventually they meet midway through climbing down. Do they stop to chat? Do they greet each other? I don’t know... me from the opposite block could see everything so clearly and yet couldn’t very much see everything so clearly (how ironical!)
Oh! Is that a blackout? The corridor lights suddenly went out like all the bulbs exploded... nah.. it’s just the automatic switch off because it’s 7am.. WAIT.. 7 AM????? Oh no!! I haven’t even started on my tutorial! DARN!
I used to like this song alot because i loved the sound of the female voice:) didn't know what exactly the lyrics are about until now when i read it.. ahhaha:p i realised this song is quite sadd:( well.. i still like it.. Candy Lo's voice is AWESOME.. wished i had a voice like that.. ahahhaa:p
Dad and I had a LooOOOooNG heart-to-heart talk yesterday night till late. What started off as a heated argument turned out to be me learning a lot of valuable lessons from my old man:) I didn't know that my dad would be so wise because he doesn't act his age at all, all the time. ahaha:p
My dad is the type of person whom one can joke around with, play hide and seek and do all sorts of nonsense. But when it comes to the discipline of his children, he is a no nonsense person. His favourite phrase is “cut the crap!” So you can imagine when we did wrong things in the past it was a “beat first, talk later” kind of environment. However, for the past years he has changed tremendously. I can’t count the number of times he forced himself to sit down and listen to our explanations of why we behaved in this manner or that and etc. Ahahhaa:p A lot of my friends think that my dad is difficult to live with but I think I am the one who is more difficult to live with ahaha:p
It has been a long time since we talked like that and it felt good (: I was able to vomit out everything I wanted to say though it got quite upsetting at that certain point in time because tension was rising (and I was pretty scared of my dad flaring up:s). Everything bothering me was out of my chest, I feel so light and free:D Heehee:p I feel I can breathe better now because we cleared up a lot of misunderstandings between us and he shared what was on his mind.
These late night sessions are much needed for me. Ahaha:p Seriously speaking, I’m someone who assumes a lot and broods over matters for days and nights till it is resolved. I felt a sense of relief as I poured everything out to my father last night(: Those things were kept in my heart for too long already. I needed a channel to get it out and yesterday’s session was the perfect timing to get all those things off my heart(: I wonder how long will it be before I get to talk to dad like that again..........................
Photos bring back so many memories.. reminding me of good friends.. the good times spent together.. the bad times.. the times we did not spend together.. the times we went separate ways..
It really saddens me when a very good friend is going away, far away, and not telling me about it:( its even worse when she's already far away and i don't even know about it... and it is my fault:\ i procrastinate too much when it comes to organizing meet ups... and then when I realised what really is happening (she leaving and never coming back) I don't know how to react.. before i know it, she's gone.. out of my life.. forever... ok maybe not forever (she's not dead! mind you!).. there maybe no opportunities to meet anymore:\
sometimes i find it so difficult to keep people whom I love very much by my side.. because I feel it's too selfish of me to:\ they have their own dreams, their own paths to take in life..
But to just let go.. is so painful... so so so painful...
Everybody (in the world) likes to care for themselves only. Even though sometimes it may seem that they are showing consideration to others, their ‘consideration’ concerns their own well being too... I’m not saying all these to criticise anyone.. even I am guilty of being self-centred:\ and I really hate this ugliness in my flesh:\
On another note, tomorrow is CORS bidding ROUND 1A!! Everyone, be prepared to grab those modules!!! (but please.. to those with their accounts overflowing with bid points.. Don’t SPOIL MARKET!)
So happy when I logged in to CORS today and found that two of the NM modules are already pre-allocated to me!! At least two slots are CONFIRMED!! Woohoo~~ Now, I’m still contemplating whether to take a science GEM (expensive lei nad:S) or to take an exposure (from social sciences --- anybody taking exposures in SEM2?) or an SS (super duper expensive too!!:S) I lay my decisions in Your hands Father;) I know You will make ALL things right because I am Your beloved:D
Somehow those words cheered me up!!! Heehee:p I found that I’m really a person who isn’t sad for very long.. Just as Pastor said last Sunday.. i am buoyant (is it spelled this way?) whenever I’m upset or down.. i don’t completely break down (I never once did.. although I secretly wanted to know how it feels like:p) i will be up and kicking after a very short while! Ahaha:p This is because of the person inside me who keeps me floating thus i’m never sinking and drowning! Thank you Jesus;)
People might say, “WHOA! Jianwei, u so religious ey!” to anyone who is reading my blog.. hey! Listen to this: I don’t have a religion. I have a RELATIONSHIP with my God, my daddy God;) and that revelation warms my heart even when I heard it like ten million thousand times. People (especially young people) keep searching for love in the wrong places but thank God He found me even before I had the chance to embark on my search. HE who FIrst loves me so that I can love another:) and praise God HE is the same yesterday, today and forever(:
**So what can I say? What could I do? I offer this heart of mine... COMPLETELY TO YOU <3
<3